Legs: Oh. We're doing that thing again, aren't we?
Girl: Yep! You pumped?
Legs: (pause) Not really. How far are we going this time?
Girl: 13 miles.
Legs: Yikes. The longest we've done is 10.
Girl: I know! Isn't it exciting?
Legs: Whatever.
At 1.5 miles
Legs: Our feet kind of hurt.
Girl: Don't worry, we're just getting warmed up. It'll go away.
Legs: Well...ok.
At 5 miles
Girl: How's it going down there?
Legs: Ok, we guess. Our muscles are warm and we've found a rhythm, so that's good. We're a little tired though. I mean, we know it's only been 5 miles, but we haven't done this in awhile.
Girl: What about Iceberg Lake? That was 10 miles AND up a mountain.
Legs: Yeah, but that was over a week ago. And a few days later we sat in a car for 17 hours, so...
At 6.5 miles
Legs: Good God. We're only halfway there?!
Girl: You're not really the glass-half-full kind, are you?
Legs: We're tiiiiiiiired.
Girl: You're whiiiiining. That's not going to get us there faster, so quit.
At 9 miles
Girl hangs up the phone.
Legs: HI! HELLO! WE'RE STILL HERE!!
Girl: Oh - you again. I'd forgotten about you.
Legs: We know. That's why we're saying hello. Because you seem to have gotten distracted from what we've been trying to tell you: OW OW OW. THIS FREAKING HURTS.
Girl: Yeah, yeah. I hear ya.
Legs: No, we don't think you do. We. Are. Tired. We're sore, and its so super-special that you're giving us constant water and energy snacks and all, but nothing is a substitute for NOT WALKING. Give us a freaking break! Literally!
Girl: No. We're training. We've only gone 9 miles and have 4 to go, which is nothing next to the 60 we're slated for in September.
Legs: 60 MILES?! [expletives] Why the [expletive] would you something so [expletive expletive expletive] stupid?!?!?!
Girl: To fight breast cancer! We've had this conversation before! Sometimes I swear you have no brains...
Legs: What's a breast?
Girl: (sighs) Never mind. Just trust me: it's for a good cause.
Legs mutter to themselves.
At 12 miles
Legs: We're sorry we got mad.
Girl: It's ok.
Legs: We're just tired.
Girl: I know.
Legs: Only 1 mile to go though, right?
Girl slowly looks around.
Girl: Uh...
Legs: Right?
Girl: Hold on a sec.
Girl shakes her head.
Girl: (to herself) Did I miss the turn-off?
Legs: Did you WHAT?
At 12.55 miles
Girl hangs up the phone.
Girl: Ok. I have a plan.
Legs: Does that plan get us home in 0.45 miles?
Girl: Well, no.
Legs stay sullenly silent.
Girl: But it'll be faster than going all the way around this lake twice.
Legs still silent.
Girl: Look, I'm sorry, all right? I zoned out. I didn't mean to miss the turn. Do you think I wanted to walk longer than 13 miles?
Legs: (curtly) It's fine.
Girl: No, it's not fine! You're tired! I didn't bring extra snacks! I only have a third of a bottle of water left! We're totally unprepared to walk longer!
Legs: (sigh) It's ok. We're tired, but it's not like we can't do this. We don't need more snacks or water, really. We'll be fine; don't worry.
At 13.5 miles
Legs: How are we doing?
Girl: We're doing ok. I know where we are, so that's good.
Legs: I'll bet we're not far. We're tired...oh, sorry. We know you know. Can't help talking about it though.
Girl: I know. It's ok, I'm tired too.
Stomach: Excuse me, but I couldn't help overhear your conversation, and would like to take a moment of your time to make an announcement, if I may.
Girl: (tiredly) What is it?
Stomach: GURGLE!! GARBELTY-GOO! GARGLEY EMPTY GOORRRGLY HUNGRY GEAROODL SPORTS BEANS ALREADY PROCESSED GARGLE GARGLE BIG JUICY BURGER GARGLE GEEGLE GOORGY-GROG!!!!!
Legs: Pipe down up there! Don't you know she's tired? She doesn't need your two cents!
Stomach: (sniffs) Grumblies.
At 14.5 miles
Girl: Look guys! There's the building! We're there!
Legs: We're not climbing any stairs.
Girl: What are stairs? We're going to step into a magical box and push a magical button that will take us all the way to the 3rd floor without a vertical step on your part! Oh glorious day!
Girl enters the apartment
Girl: We're home!!!!
Legs: HURRAY!! Now sit down and never move again.
Stomach: Get thee to a kitchen, woman, and fill me with foodstuffs!!
Girl: Sorry, stomach, the floor's closer. Peace out.
And that's the story of how I accidentally walked 14.5 miles, my longest training walk to date.
For the record, I did take the stairs - but only b/c they were closer than the elevator.
I would also like to thank Veronica for fixing me a salad when I got home!
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